Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
