Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
