Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
