thus making me awesome and them whores
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
