so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
