well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i've created a new STD.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
