Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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