I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
