WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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