I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
