Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
