Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
