She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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