If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
