he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
