My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
