if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
