We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
