WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If that was your dad, he is hot
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
