just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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