No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
