I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
