just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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