A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you still have your period?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
