he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
