forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
