One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
