well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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