You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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