be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
