you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i believe in u and ur pee
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
