I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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