If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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