Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
