I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
