I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
