Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
