Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
