If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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