Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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