I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
