Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
