So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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