sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
