Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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