I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
