i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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