i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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