dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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