this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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