Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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