We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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